True Grit

Every five or six years, my mother guilts me into joining the extended family for a week-long vacation. 

(NOTE:  guilt is a horrible thing–  made even more horrible-er-er when mixed with a pinch of stinginess, a strong dose of negativity, and one f*cking giant wallop of general mean-spiritedness)

BTW, just in case any of you are dying to know, my daughter is rude– and getting fat– and i’m “really starting to show my age” and should make an appointment with a dermatologist PRONTO.

(i feel pretty, oh so pretty… )

And,  if any of you are thinking, ‘oh c’mon… it couldn’t have been all THAT bad,”  I give you TRUE GRIT:  an original breakfast story– 

On our very last day together at the beach house, my mother got up early to make a huge pot of homestyle grits.  Not only did she use the very last of my half-n-half (BITCH!) in her grits, but when she finished cooking, she proceeded to have the following conversation with my father and sister (while I’m sitting just two feet away on a kitchen stool– very much awake, and very much present in the room, after having said my round of good mornings):

MOM:  “Daughter #1, would you like some grits?”

Daughter #1 [MY SISTER]:  “Of course, I’ll get them…”  [MOVING TO GET GRITS HERSELF]

MOM to Daughter #1:  “Don’t move!… I have everything right here.”  [proceeds to dish out and take piping hot bowl of grits to D #1]

MOM to my DAD:  “May I bring you some?”

DAD [shaking his head at such a ridiculous question]:  “Well, yeah!”   [mom takes bowl to my dad]

IGNORES ME.  PROCEEDS TO MAKE BOWL FOR HERSELF.  SITS DOWN AT TABLE.

DAD [feeling bad that I'd been SO totally ignored]:  “Contessa, didn’t you want some grits?”

Contessa:  “Yes, I can get them for myself, thank you dad.”  [proceeds to get grits for self]

And that pretty much sums up my week of vacation.  Now, please excuse me while i go phone my doctor– the psychologist (NOT to be confused with the dermatologist).

If you could choose your parents…

who would you choose?

I’d choose Samantha Stephens (Bewitched) as my mother, and Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom) as my father.

That’d be one kick-ass family adventure…

   

 

The best Jerry, the best…

New Year’s Day has been wonder-bar so far.  After all, I’ve got the 3F’s–  good FOOD, good FOOTBALL,  and good FAMILY surrounding me (what’s not to love?).  Everyone should be so lucky… (thank you).

So, what needs to change/improve (as in New Year’s resolutions)?  Well, for one, I’d still like to run that half marathon I’ve been forever training for… and I’d really, really like to get in at least 850 running miles this year.  Oh, and I’d like to add some cross-training to my routine– I’m thinking biking and jump-roping (although the biking will have to wait til spring).  I’ll run in cold weather– if I have to– but there’s no way in hell I’m biking in 20*F (running is torture enough).   

Speaking of cold– not only is the low going to be 20*F, but they’re calling for snow this evening and early tomorrow (4-6″).  SNOW– *ick*– now that has to be the ugliest, foulest word in the English language.   Absolutely the worst Jerry, the worst…

Merry Christmas, Happy Harmonica…

(or whatever you celebrate!)

Confessions of a Foodie…

Christmas Eve Dinner–

Appetizer:
Homemade Guacamole & Chips
Margaritas

Main Course:
Tequila Lime Chicken
Black Beans & Rice
Cornbread

Dessert:
Ambrosia